


Sisters?

by upriserseven



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-10
Updated: 2013-10-10
Packaged: 2017-12-29 01:05:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/999035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/upriserseven/pseuds/upriserseven
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>7 billion people in the world and not one of them is like me? I'd never been egotistical enough to fall for that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sisters?

**Author's Note:**

> I basically just started writing and this is what happened. It turned into a character study of sorts, I suppose...

You know when you're a kid, and you're feeling kinda down on yourself and they tell you “there's nobody quite like you” or “you're one of a kind”, “you're unique”? All of that special snowflake crap? I'd never really believed it. I mean, it's ridiculous. 7 billion people in the world and not one of them is like me? I'd never been egotistical enough to fall for that. 

I had a friend in high school who was a twin. When people told him he was one of a kind, he'd just laugh. That's the first thing I thought of when I saw Beth. That's what this is like, but at the same time, this is something entirely different. 

I understand that we're different people. Cos has been talking to me all about nature/nurture and how fascinating this is and I get that. But we're not different, not really. Surely that's the whole point of identicals. And when I meet them, even the German, even Helena, I see bits of myself. Not just my face, although I'm not sure I'll ever get used to that, but elements of me. I wonder if that's what he felt like, looking at his twin. 

Take Alison, for example. On the surface of it, we're as different as people can be (not the actual surface of course, on the actual surface we're as alike as two people can be). She disapproves of me, I can see that. I could, anyway. But she's picked up on it, too. That I actually may be more like her than anybody else in this world. Her priority is her family. It always will be. So yeah, maybe she beat Donnie up and maybe she fucked that awful guy who never really grew out of his high school jock status, but she cares more about her kids and their comfort than anything else. And I think she sees it now, that we have the same goals there. Alison's not worried about herself, she's worried about Gemma and Oscar. And she sees now that I'm worried about Kira. I think she stopped disapproving when she saw that, when she saw Kira. She forgave me for pretending to be Beth, she agreed to help. 

We're not sisters, I know that. I'm not stupid or sentimental about it. But I think she sees me as one. 

The second I met Cosima I knew I liked her. She represents the other side of me, in a way. She's smarter than me, she's probably the smartest person I've ever met, but she's reckless. She's reckless and it's not because she doesn't care because even if she doesn't say it I know she does this to keep us all safe as much as she does it for the science, it's because she wants to live a life without restriction. Because she wants to feel free and excited and like life is hers for the taking. But she's not the kind of reckless where you sit awake worrying about her at night, like I'm sure I was. She's not the kind who disappears for ten months and leaves everybody unsure whether she's alive or dead. She's the kind who asks for your advice but does whatever seems like the most fun at the time, the kind who makes the most out of life and who gets stoned and has sex with untrustworthy French girls but still gets up bright and early to head to the lab the next day instead of nursing a hangover. 

She's a scientist, she'd never claim we were sisters. But I know that's how she sees us. 

I can see it in Alison's eyes sometimes, that Beth was special. It's weird, I guess, because when they've talked about her (which is rare), when Paul talks about her or even anyone at the station, it's like she was cold, closed off. Not unpleasant, just not open. But when Alison mentions her or hears her name it's like, just for a second, there's something great happening in her mind. I don't know what, but something. And then it goes. It goes and we don't mention her again unless we absolutely have to. It's a shame, really. I'd like to know more about her. Or the German, even. I don't know what they know about her. My knowledge is really just that she was sick and now she's dead. There's been others, there may well be many more, we don't know. I wonder how much of myself I'd find in them. I wonder if Cos and Alison see the similarities or whether I'm searching for them, trying to make myself feel better about this whole thing. 

And Helena. It should be hard to identify with her. But she displayed an element of myself I try to keep hidden. That I'm sure the others keep hidden, too. She was scared. Yes, she got a little... interesting at times. Yes, she was terrifying and I was never sure if she was going to try and hug me or stab me, but she was probably more scared than the rest of us. (That's what they say about animals, isn't it? They're more scared of you than you are of them. I've never believed that, either.) She left me feeling so uncertain about everything, like it wasn't confusing enough, about myself and life this whole mess and whether any one of us could've become like her if we'd been raised how she was. Cos, or Alison, or me, if we'd been raised like that is that how we would've ended up? Are we strong because we were raised to be or would we, in her shoes, have been strong enough to fight? Could I have ended up an angry angel with lash marks over my body if Amelia had swapped our places? 

I think she really was my sister. She seemed to think so. We shared a womb, but I don't know if that counts. 

We are not unique. We are not special fucking snowflakes. We are almost identical, genetically. We are almost identical, aesthetically. We are almost sisters, but not quite.


End file.
